Feminine Hygiene

A                                                                             
I was watch'n TV with my buddy Stevie, 
             E 
 when I saw the strangest thing. 
            D                                                                             
It was so compelling a woman selling 
A                              E 
 Maxi Pads that had wings. 
A                                                                       
I turned to channel three and what did I see,  
  E 
a woman who looked real rich. 
              D                                                                                          
She was liv'in on a hill and pitch'n Vagisil 
A                                      E 
 for the special feminine itch. 
        A                                                                                
So I tried once more and I turned to channel four,  
          E 
I was shocked I must confess. 
     F#m                               D                                                                       
A gal who was chunky said when she's smell'n funky  
              A                    E 
she just squirts it with FDS. 
 
 
 
                    D                              E                                                                                                                                                                                         
Well it's on every station it's plug'n up the nation 
         A                          D 
 with feminine hygiene ads. 
D                                           E                                      
Douches and ointments and OBG appointments 
        A                                   D 
 and don't forget your Maxi Pads. 
                            Bm         E                        
Cause they have wings to fly, 
 Bm               E                          A 
 lets give it a try, for feminine hygiene. 
 
 
A                                                                            
Well a mama and daughter walk'in by the water 
 
 E 
 somebody don't feel fresh. 
D                                                                            
Monistat Seven put her back in heaven 
                 A                              E 
 cause the yeast really makes a mess. 
A                                                                                                    
A middle aged debutant look'n for a lubricant, 
          E 
 they still can hear her voice. 
        D              
 Her mama done told her when a woman gets older 
      A                            E 
 the muffin downstairs don't stay moist. 
 
 
                D                            E                                                    
Well it's on every station an over saturation 
      A                          D 
 of feminine hygiene games. 
D                                    E                                                        
Creams and lotions and all her emotions 
         A                       D 
 and all the water she retains. 
            Bm            E                                                               
It's so insane this game,       
Bm                      E                             A 
 there's to many names for feminine hygiene. 
 
 
A  Bm  C#m   D                 E                           
                       Why do we have to view, 
A                    F#m 
 all that stuff girls go thru. 
D              E                        A                                             
It's really got my stomach reeling 
 
.  
A Bm C#m   D                      E                                                                     
                     Lets give those ads we see 
  A           F#m       
  a hysterectomy 
          D                                   E 
 or at least, make them more appealing.  
 
 
 
                    D                             E                          
Cause there on every station an over saturation 
     A                          D 
 of feminine hygiene ads. 
D                                         E                                
Douches and ointments an OBG appointments, 
 A 
 Creams and lotions and all her emotions. 
D                                                        
Summers Eve and Massengill 
 E 
 and if you itch use Vagisil 
A                                                                                              
Kotex, Tampax, Gynecort and Yeast-X, 
D                               E 
 Norforms, Pamprin, Feminique an Replens 
A                                                                   
Motrin and Midol for when your suicidal, 
D                                 E 
 Monistat, Femstat, a plug for this a pad for that 
A                               D 
The list goes on and on. 
 
             Bm         E    
It's so insane to me 
Bm             E 
 it's on my TV  
                A 
Feminine Hygiene 
A      A/G#   F#m 
Oh!    Oh!     Oh!  
D                E                         A 
It's on my TV it's Feminine Hygiene 
 
A  E  A